Mr. Husband - a lover or tormentor?

When we are busy with many things at hand we take a "for granted" approach towards our family, especially the spouse. Through my 9 years of marriage I have realised that our spouse plays an important role in the mental balance and can contribute largely towards happiness quotient or stress quotient.

Any relationship is like a bank account, where your account grows when you deposit cash and shrinks when you withdraw. Likewise, our relationship account grows when you do something special and every time we argue, fight, offend or give no time, our relationship account can go into zero balance.

End of the day all that we do is for our family and if we cannot keep a healthy balance between our family relationships then there is no much point left right?

Below are few tips that I would like to share:

      Keep an open mind about each other's views

The first tip is one of the most challenging of all. Considering men and women are from different planets-Mars and Venus, obviously each one's views on all subjects are bound to be different. So how to keep an open mind? Very simple..Believe that the views are formed over an entire lifetime and not just on one occasion, then it helps to keep the relationship clear from frustrations. So when your spouse gives his views on some issue, acknowledge with an open mind, saying "ok, Is that your view? I respect that, here listen to mine" and then make sure you have a disclaimer to your views.

Help each other, but not being overly solicitous (giving in too easily or being a "Yes!" rubber stamp person)

Yes I know what you are all thinking. For men a help can be something for their tummy and for many of us that is the last thing on our mind especially when exams are on the platter. However if relationship has to grow then these small things really do matter. For eg. my hubby would like me to scratch his back for 2 minutes. It is a very boring activity, but just for 2 minutes is hardly a big deal so I always agree for this and he is 'Mr.Happy'. So whenever we get some spare time; lets find creative ways to please our man in a jiffy.

Use golden words. Say, "Thank you! Excuse me. Please... I'm sorry" appropriately

One thing that we take for granted is RESPECT. No wonder the divorce rate in this developed countries are at an all time high. Is'nt it a brave act, if we start saying 'the magic words' more frequently rather than expect our spouse to make the first move. At our workplace these words come more naturally, then why can't we bring them to our most cherished home? Yes, 'Sorry' may be the last word in women's dictionary, however it makes a world of good to the husbands'.

Know each other's needs and expectations

There are needs and there are expectations from each other. Many issues which we spend a great deal of time arguing and dragging only to realise that, what really matter are never talked about and buried deep in the ground. Identify these issues and bring it up to communicate with each other. One key point is to understand each other's temperament to avoid the hazard button. If there is a disagreement, abstain getting into Ekta Kapoor's-soap opera. Men may not understand this need, instead may try to give you solutions free of charge.

Accommodate each other's idiosyncrasies

There are many weird and strange things in each one of us and the more we try to change that in others, it will only contribute to frustrations. Rather accept it as a combo-offer. For eg. my husband if given the previlege to do the groceries, loves bringing home quantities that can last ages. He will buy a wide variety of shampoos, cleansers, food items, supplements etc and use maybe 50% of the items and the others wait for the expiry date to get in thrashcan. I tried to change his ways for 5-6 years and did not succeed even 2%. Evantually I gave up and agree he wants to try out new things and has a phobia that the supermarket may run out of stock, if he does not buy them in advance.

Positively on the other hand he has stopped buying books since he realised he has ran out of space. He was an avid collector of books and most of them he finishes reading in just one sitting. Gosh! if I had half of that speed I would not have to sit late hours reading the massive text books.